Overcoming Adversity

Everyone faces challenges and setbacks. How you respond to them is what makes you competitive. I recently read Jay Billas’ book “Toughness”. Initially, I was a little skeptical. Thinking to myself, “ok, another sports book about being strong and getting after it.” It was a national best seller, so I thought, “how cliché could it be?” So I decided to give it a go. I am glad I did. The book is more about mental toughness and approaching challenges with a positive mindset than about physical toughness. I read some of the passages on preparation and courage to my daughter so she gets a glimpse into the lives of others who have struggled and succeeded because of their preparation and perseverance.

This got me thinking about how I face challenges. While I was working on my dissertation, I remember a time where I was ready to give up. I had to submit a draft proposal based on my dissertation topic. It included the literature review as well as other initial dissertation sections. I thought it was solid. I remember saying, “this is good to go.” My dissertation advisor also shared with me he thought it was ready. What I got back floored me. The feedback felt like a gut punch. While I won’t quote what was written, it was in short, my literature review was not complete, and the organization of the paper was confusing without flow. Ughh. I remember walking into the house and saying to my spouse, “I am done. I can’t do it. I failed.” This is where my spouse rocks. “You got this” she said, “walk away from it for now and come back to it with a fresh mind and perspective.”

Easier said then done. Haller’s don’t walk away from things. They grind. However, I took my spouse’s advice. I chilled and forgot about it for a night. But, being a Haller, I woke up at 5am the next morning. I felt refreshed. I had a plan in my head. Somehow, I had thought through what needed to be done. I also thought about people I knew that had graduated from the program in prior years. I remember saying to myself, “if they can do it – so can I.” 48 hours later with about 5 hours of sleep, I had completed the revisions. I grinded. I stayed at it. I kept plugging and chipping away. I then walked away from the draft. Coming back to it about three days later, I found additional revisions, additions, and edits. After two weeks, the revised draft was done. On time and in a good place. I hit submit with confidence and waited for the gavel to fall again. This time around the feedback I got was – good to go.

In the end, I did complete my dissertation and graduated. The point to this story is, we all face setbacks. How we face them is what differentiates us. Do we roll over and give up or do we get back on the horse (as they say in Ohio where I grew up) and go after it. My spouse’s confidence was meaningful. Knowing others who had been successful in the program was affirming I could do it too. Walking away from the dissertation, taking a deep breath, and facing the challenge with new perspective was also meaningful. Having a supportive dissertation advisor helped too. Another piece that was meaningful was that I took what seemed like a mountain to climb and broke it up into little hills to walk up. Eat the elephant one bite at a time.

I shared this experience with my daughter, who plays competitive softball. As I shared with her – your character is defined by how you face adversity. Competitive sports are a game of failure. As they say in major league baseball – the best players still fail 7 out of 10 times. How you get back up and go after a setback will play a meaningful role in who are as a person and who you become. Easier said than done but setting this example for her and for my family I think was important.